I glued googly eyes onto a bunch of things at a grocery store and didn’t get caught: Photo Essay

Advice from a store detective: “Something is always watching you.”

“One look at you and I can’t disguise
I’ve got hungry eyes
I feel the magic between you and I”
– “Hungry Eyes”, Eric Carmen

After campaigning for months to get a job with the Canadian government, I finally landed a position at a postal outlet in a local drug store. As someone who was partial to writing long, rambling hand-written letters and stuffing them in decorated envelopes, it seemed like a dream job in paradise.

This, unfortunately, was not the case. It wasn’t exactly the adult-style benefits and pay I was hoping for – minimum wage back then was approximately $6.65, and I attempted to scrape by with the best of them. But a philatelist I was not; working at the Post had all the trappings of another boring service industry job.

Except for Susan.

A burly, top-heavy alpha woman who possessed a lion’s mane of perm and the steeliest blue-eyed gaze, Susan was the plainclothes store detective. And she was really good at her job – it amazed me to see her grapple with at least one sulky teen a day, reprimanding them in the same office where I had been hired.

Susan was also really good at making me squirm and blush. She had a way of giving a compliment that could be taken into a completely sexual realm of connotation.

“Something is always watching you,” she once told me while I was on my coffee break.

A couple of days later, I realized that she probably wasn’t flirting with me. That is, unless a dire warning could ever be considered sexy.

googly panda
googly nerd
googly baby
googly bear
googly stiko
googly flour
googly kool
googly gal
googly chew
googly cookie
googly cow
googly kitty