province looks forward to massive, sports-induced Monday hangover

Maybe you heard already, but the 101st Grey Cup is being hosted in Regina. Also, The Roughriders will be likely making an appearance.

This is a really big deal for everyone who enjoys the thrill of man-on-man contact and the competitive nature of professional sports. Also, it’s a really big deal for pretty much every other person in Saskatchewan – literally, our entire province will be glued to the game this upcoming Sunday.

Also, more than a few will probably be glued as well.

Growing up, my favourite memories of watching the Grey Cup with my family and their friends wasn’t the game itself. I always found football to be sort of dreary and needlessly complex. But I did enjoy their increasingly rambunctious use of the English language, their foul tempers and getting to take a cab even though we were only a couple of blocks away from home.

Ever since then I’ve kept that yearly tradition alive, the whole not-really-caring-about-the-game-but-wanting-to-have-Sunday-funday-drinks-regardless.

So, without further ado, here is Ominocity’s Guide to Getting Drunk at the Grey Cup

  • Every time someone mentions how cold it is outside take a drink
  • Every time you refer to the Saskatchewan Roughriders as “us” or “we” take a drink
  • Every time you take a selfie so all your friends can see your green facepaint take a drink. Also, have a slice of watermelon
  • But if you are shirtless with your chest painted, you may have frostbite. Take a drink
  • Every time some one asks “where’s your green?” respond by saying “my vomit is green” and then take a drink
  • Every time someone brings up ‘the 13th man’ boo loudly and take a drink
  • Every time you call it “the Gray Cup” instead of “the Grey Cup” take a drink
  • Every time you eat a handful of ‘All Dressler’ chips take a drink… of water
  • If you are wearing Roughriders paraphernalia that came with a case of beer, don’t worry about it, you’ve probably already had too many drinks
  • If you find yourself wondering what angle Gormley is going to take on his show on Monday take a drink
  • Every time you tell someone the story about the time you knew The Sheepdogs back when they were known as “The Breaks” take a drink
  • Every time someone mentions how work is going to be “harsh tokes” on Monday take a drink. And a toke
  • If you got dragged along and have no idea what’s going on, learn the team names and take a drink
  • If Gainer the Gopher is giving you the stink eye take a drink
  • If you are sitting in close proximity to children swear loudly and take two drinks
  • If someone harasses a security guard take a drink
  • If someone harasses a fan of the opposing team with some good-natured “ribbing” take a drink
  • If you bet your kid’s lunch money on the game, pray that you win. Also, take a drink
  • Every time you Tweet your personal thoughts on a play that everyone was probably paying attention to take a drink
  • Every time you Tweet the score of the game THANKS, YOU AND EVERYONE ELSE, take a drink

PS – Go Riders!

– Featured photo from Flickr user “iwona_kellie” – Creative Commons.