province looks forward to massive, sports-induced Monday hangover
Maybe you heard already, but the 101st Grey Cup is being hosted in Regina. Also, The Roughriders will be likely making an appearance.
This is a really big deal for everyone who enjoys the thrill of man-on-man contact and the competitive nature of professional sports. Also, it’s a really big deal for pretty much every other person in Saskatchewan – literally, our entire province will be glued to the game this upcoming Sunday.
Also, more than a few will probably be glued as well.
Growing up, my favourite memories of watching the Grey Cup with my family and their friends wasn’t the game itself. I always found football to be sort of dreary and needlessly complex. But I did enjoy their increasingly rambunctious use of the English language, their foul tempers and getting to take a cab even though we were only a couple of blocks away from home.
Ever since then I’ve kept that yearly tradition alive, the whole not-really-caring-about-the-game-but-wanting-to-have-Sunday-funday-drinks-regardless.
So, without further ado, here is Ominocity’s Guide to Getting Drunk at the Grey Cup
Every time someone mentions how cold it is outside take a drink
Every time you refer to the Saskatchewan Roughriders as “us” or “we” take a drink
Every time you take a selfie so all your friends can see your green facepaint take a drink. Also, have a slice of watermelon
But if you are shirtless with your chest painted, you may have frostbite. Take a drink
Every time some one asks “where’s your green?” respond by saying “my vomit is green” and then take a drink
Every time someone brings up ‘the 13th man’ boo loudly and take a drink
Every time you call it “the Gray Cup” instead of “the Grey Cup” take a drink
Every time you eat a handful of ‘All Dressler’ chips take a drink… of water
If you are wearing Roughriders paraphernalia that came with a case of beer, don’t worry about it, you’ve probably already had too many drinks
If you find yourself wondering what angle Gormley is going to take on his show on Monday take a drink
Every time you tell someone the story about the time you knew The Sheepdogs back when they were known as “The Breaks” take a drink
Every time someone mentions how work is going to be “harsh tokes” on Monday take a drink. And a toke
If you got dragged along and have no idea what’s going on, learn the team names and take a drink
If Gainer the Gopher is giving you the stink eye take a drink
If you are sitting in close proximity to children swear loudly and take two drinks
If someone harasses a security guard take a drink
If someone harasses a fan of the opposing team with some good-natured “ribbing” take a drink
If you bet your kid’s lunch money on the game, pray that you win. Also, take a drink
Every time you Tweet your personal thoughts on a play that everyone was probably paying attention to take a drink
Every time you Tweet the score of the game THANKS, YOU AND EVERYONE ELSE, take a drink
PS – Go Riders!
– Featured photo from Flickr user “iwona_kellie” – Creative Commons.