No matter which way US vote goes, drinkers prepare for total (self) armageddon
A US election is like watching two assholes engage in a chugging contest. No matter who you are rooting for something terrible is about to happen.
Or maybe, no matter what happens, everyone is left feeling ill.
Or, hopefully, roughly 50 per cent of those who voted are going to party the fuck down.
Since American politics, along with poker, foxy boxing and cock fights, has become something of a spectator sport, it’s safe to say that there are quite a few of us out there who are going to be drinking our balls and/or ovaries off tonight, either in celebration or crushing defeat.
So the only question left to answer, aside from that whole silly election business, is what to drink while awaiting the 2012 US election results.
The obvious Obama-booster drink of choice is beer. Obama drinks it. He even recommends it as a social-ills cureall.
Everyone loves beer. Except for Mitt. Mitt hates beer.
For reasons that are far too complex to get into here, a typical (ideal?) Mormon is a lifelong teetotaler. They hate booze. And coffee and tea for that matter. However, Mormons love chocolate. In fact, weirdo entertainer Marie Osmond has been quoted as saying that chocolate is “Mormon medication”.
So for all you Mitt heads out there you may want to heft up a glass of cocoa or Ovaltine as your victory libation of choice.
But what about for those of us who demand getting drunk quickly and efficiently? Shots!
Since the political parties have taken it upon themselves to colour-code their branding to make things easier for the voting public, we are going to similarly dumb this down for you.
Democrats = Blue.
Republicans = Red.
There. Easy? No! Wait! I don’t know!
1 oz Southern Comfort
1 oz Red Bull
1 oz amaretto
1 oz vodka
1 oz Blue Curacao liqueur
1 oz pineapple juice
Who cares… like one drink ever changed anything.
-Photo taken from Flickr user “lars hammer” – Creative Commons.