Sarah Says: DP And The Kinsey Scale

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Gayer than you thought? Or are you just getting turned on by the weird factor

Got something to ask? Strange date ideas? Taboo topics that you can’t broach with friends? Sarah has been giving advice about sex and relationships professionally for the better part of a decade, and has written for men’s magazines and women’s, local and online publications on topics ranging from first date ideas to proper anal sex etiquette.

So ask away! No topic is off limits.

Email: sarahsaysadvice at gmail.com

Dear Sarah,

I’ve always considered myself a securely straight man, though one in no way threatened by being around other men while naked or in a sexual situation. Of late, fantasies of being in a threesome with a man and woman have become more prominent for me. At first it was more the idea of watching and being watched, then it was sharing and before I knew it, I came to love the idea of DP/DVP. Initially, the idea that my cock and balls would be so close to/touching another man’s kind of weirded me out, though I was always sure that it would feel wonderful once I got past that. Now, though, I’ve started to think that part of the appeal is precisely in the idea of my cock rubbing up and down against another man’s while we share a woman. I’m confused: am I not as straight as I think or is the appeal simply in the degree of kink?

In Urgent Need of Your Insight!

Dear In Urgent Need,

First things first, let’s define some terminology for those not in the know. DP means double penetration, referring to one penis or toy inserted in a woman’s vagina and another penis or toy penetrating her anally at the same time. DVP means double vaginal penetration, wherein both penises or toys would be inside the vagina at the same time. Yes, these are both very possible and potentially very pleasurable for all parties involved provided enough lube is used and amenable positions achieved.

It seems you, In Urgent Need, already have a good handle on the logistics of such a situation and the problem you’ve come upon (no pun intended) is a mental and emotional hurdle. I’m going to take this opportunity to introduce the concept of the Kinsey scale of sexuality, an idea that will certainly be featured in many future Sarah Says columns. Alfred Kinsey, famed sexologist, and his researchers developed the Kinsey scale, also called the Heterosexual-Homosexual Rating Scale, way back in the 1940s as a way to describe an individual’s sexual experience and reactions. There are seven points on the scale from 0, which is entirely heterosexual, to 6, meaning completely homosexual. Everyone falls on this scale somewhere and it’s rare to find someone who completely identifies on one end of the spectrum or the other. Your sexuality can also change dramatically throughout your lifetime given different experiences, environments, influences and social circles.

So yes, maybe the fact that you’re finding the concept of your junk rubbing up against another man’s more appealing means that you are leaning a little more toward the higher end of the number scale than before. On the other hand, the taboo attached to the act in your own mind (and a lot of other people’s too, I suppose) could be the driving force in making it seem exciting to you. When it really comes down to it, who fucking cares? It doesn’t really matter whether you’re a little gayer than you originally thought or you’re just getting turned on by the weird factor. The fact is that at the present time it is an idea that makes you horny and there’s nothing at all wrong with that. If you have the opportunity to play out this fantasy of yours, you may find that when you’re engaged in it, your feelings on the subject could change during or after and that’s okay too. As long as you and the two other people involved in this scenario are consenting adults being honest and open about your desires and apprehensions, that’s all that matters.

– Featured photo via Flickr user “clintjcl” – Creative Commons.