User reviews are pretty much the most useless tool ever. That is, unless you consider the endless hours of entertainment.
Especially those found on Urbanspoon, a review site where registered members contribute dining anecdotes and tirades for the public to see.
Trolling through the site, it makes you feel more than a little embarrassed – apparently some people take the slop they put in their bodies really, really seriously. But on the other hand, there’s nothing more hilarious than a poorly-worded condemnation.
Despite the site’s review removal policy – “Urbanspoon attempts to remove all reviews that violate our guidelines (such as obscenity)” – here are 10 of the best, worst Urbanspoon Saskatoon restaurant reviews that made the cut.
The names of the offending establishments have been withheld. But you can probably figure it out anyway.
Also, never take dining advice from a sexist
Overt racism aside – apparently Vietnamese restaurants are all dirty? – there is a really easy way to discuss customer service without looking like a jackass male chauvinist. For one, don’t insinuate that “ladies” have to act a certain way when they serve you.
Indigestion: a cure for the winter blues
Is that sarcasm I detect?
But how do you really feel?
It’s mostly really funny to imagine this person saying this in real life. But I digress, some of us like salty, soggy fries.
I really, really hope that the last typo isn’t actually a typo at all and instead a clever pun.
ALSO, NO WALKING
Dear restaurants. Never, ever make your customers walk more than 10 metres for food. Their feet get sore and some of them are attempting to retain those precious calories, not burn them off.
Really? All of them?
Despite the libellous mouthful of a headline, this one is just confusing. Besides, changing mushy tomatoes is a good thing, right?
I think I understand why…
I actually agree with this review – scotch tape face guy should probably not be allowed in public, much less helming a buffet restaurant.
Paying full price is a bloody outrage
Also, some people take their savings very seriously.
Never procreate with a stranger who has poorly behaved children
Aren’t kids the worst? Always wrecking your meals, life.
So how was your date otherwise?
A note to servers everywhere: never, ever insult a man’s, errr, manliness by insinuating that he can’t, or won’t, pay for his date.
– Featured photo from Flickr user “panavatar” – Creative Commons.