Terrible Dating Advice With Matt & Amber

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Coming from a string of failed relationships, Matt and Amber feel they both have enough combined experience in the dating game to qualify as self-proclaimed Dating Columnists. However, any and all advice given is to be taken with a large dose of skepticism, and none of the advice following is intended to replace actual professional counseling and/or medical advice.

“Is it okay if you like someone who is almost four years younger than you? And you’re a lady? But they’re like the best ever?”- Ms. Robinson

Matt: Robbin’ the cradle while making this male youngster look like a stud for snagging an older lady! How romantic! All jokes aside, this all depends on the age range: fourteen and eighteen may have some major maturity conflicts – “pulling” smokes can only be cute for so long. If you connect and have the same interests age shouldn’t be an issue. If you succeed on your quest for this young man’s heart, kudos!

Amber: If they like you and you like them, and they don’t make you feel old and haggard (“Remember *Pop Culture Reference*?” “What? Is that an Eighties thing?”), then don’t feel bad. Just make sure they’re (A) legal and consenting adults, and (B) at least in their early twenties. There’s something about the idea of a twenty-something dating a late-teen that skeeves me out no matter what.

“Is it bad if you’ve only had sex with the person you like while drunk and not sober?” – Gin and Ginger

Amber: How much do you like them? How often have you had drunk sex? If your answers are “a lot” and “often,” shit son, that’s pretty bad. Take a look at the reasons why you only ever have sexy adult hugs after several Bohs: do you only hook up after being in the same bar for most of the evening? Do they only invite you over for booty callin’ after a few too many? Are you so shy and tongue-tied, you can only attempt to play tonsil hockey with them after getting wasted? These are pretty bad signs on their own, let alone in a clusterfuck of bad ideas. At least try to hang out with them sober for once; if that doesn’t work, cut your losses.

Sidenote: drunk sex can fall into a weird grey area as far as consent is concerned. Full, freely-given, sober consent is sexy. Drunk consent, not so much. If you have any doubts that you should bone that person after you’ve both had too many, you probably shouldn’t.

Matt: I’ve based entire relationships on drunk sex (myself being drunk for the whole relationship). I mean don’t get me wrong, have a few too many Dr. Peppers and things may get a bit freakier than normal, but judging from my past it never really leads to any stable relationship. That drunken sex may stem from being too shy and/or insecure with being that intimate with someone; I would advise that, soberly and with a clear mind, you get to know said person. There is nothing better than being able to connect with someone emotionally and physically without any mind alterations. Good luck!

Read more of Matt & Amber’s Terrible Dating Advice HERE.

-Photo taken from Flickr user “gwilmore” – Creative Commons.