Dating Musicians: The Dizzying Pros, The Devastating Cons
For many people, dating a musician is “the dream.” No one knows this better than this writer, who had a crush on Axl Rose at the early age of six years old. None of the grade one boys could compete with a rock star, even during music time when they attempted to make music with those sticks you rub together, or by playing the triangle.
There is just something so alluring about a person who helped to create the music that comforts you, excites you, and lifts you to a state of bliss beyond comprehension. It is easy for people to make the assumption that if a musician can make the music that does all that, he would be equally great at comforting you, exciting you and lifting you to a state of bliss beyond comprehension in other realms. Unfortunately, no relationship is as perfect as one’s favourite song, and even musicians have trouble living up to these expectations. In following are five of the pros and cons of “living the dream” of dating a musician:
Pro #1:
Musicians are sexy. Let us try this experiment: take a regular person you may never have thought of as attractive. Put a guitar on him or her. Is he or she suddenly more attractive? The answer is yes. It is a magical, wonderful trick. Then, if he or she plays the music that you love, it only adds to how attractive you will find him or her. People are not intelligent enough to separate the music from the musician and therefore you are suddenly in love and want to have babies with Person A. Advice: after the band is finished go outside for some fresh air and get all that crazy musical magic out of your head. We can’t have babies with every musician…
Con #1:
If you’re feeling “the sexy” of a musician, so are many more people in the crowd. Do you like competing for your love interest against normal people and crazy people alike? Sometimes the amount of work to get a musician to notice you above the crowd is not worth the hassle. Then, if you do land your musician, there is always the lovely worry about how your man or women will reject the swarms of sex-crazed fans (or even one or two of them) which leads us to Con #2.
Con #2:
Touring. Touring can be a worrisome time. It’s temporary splitsville even if you both stay devoted and you just have to trust your musician counterpart to be on their best behavior. Unfortunately, drinking usually goes hand in hand with touring which can lead to bad decision making. In addition, touring bands give off the same amount of sexy to new crowds as they do to home town crowds, sometimes even more because the new crowds do not know all of your boyfriend or girlfriend’s flaws and foibles. In fact, these new crowds don’t even know if your musician counterpart is single or not. This is probably the point where you lose your mind, quit your job and follow them around on tour wearing a wig and sunglasses; however, if you do engage in such an activity, you are considered insane and untrusting which is no good for your “cool girlfriend/boyfriend” reputation.
Doing it in a tour van with your partner is tres sexy
Pro #2:
Touring. After struggling for some time thinking of a pro to touring for the girlfriend or boyfriend of a musician, it occurred to me that you may get souvenirs, and if your musician boyfriend or girlfriend is devoted and trustworthy, then it is likely you will get some wonderfully sweet or sultry drunken texts that melt your heart or your loins. There are perks for if you yourself are a musician as well and you both are touring together. According to a close friend who has experience in the field of being a musician dating a musician, if you are both on tour “doing it in a tour van with your partner is tres sexy.”
Pro #3:
Guest list privileges, and if the venue does not have a “guest list,” then you will still, at some point in the night, get snuck through a back door. Do you feel special or what?! And you don’t just have to listen to your boyfriend or girlfriend’s crappy band for the billionth time; you can also hear some new great other bands free of charge!
Con #3:
You will definitely appreciate those guest list privileges because it is likely that your boyfriend or girlfriend has a low income. Now, of course, this is not always true. Perhaps your boyfriend or girlfriend is a very successful musician, or, like some of the musicians I know, are just super talented at many different things and have a killer job as well. If you have lucked out with that, I tip my hat to you. Conversely, there are many musicians out there who have placed all their focus into their band’s music and therefore have a “job on the side” that probably pays close to minimum wage. Perhaps this is a cruel stereotype, but it is often a reality! If you dream of being a money grubbing trophy husband or wife then you should probably wait until your musician counterpart is rich and famous to snag him or her. Years of poverty could really shape you into a caring and loving person, and nobody wants that.
Pro #4:
Your musician counterpart can write great songs about you. Yes, it is tacky to have a song that has your first name for a title; however, if done right, a great song that is about you is a wonderful mark of devotion and you can confidently say to the crowd while your man or woman is playing that “this song is about me.”
Perhaps you are less afraid of the post break-up song attack that accuses you of lying or cheating or leaving your dirty unmentionables lying around
Con #4:
Your musician counterpart can write mean songs about you. If you are planning on staying together forever perhaps you are less afraid of the post break-up song attack that accuses you of lying or cheating or leaving your dirty unmentionables lying around. If you are feeling saucy, feel free to turn to your crowd fellows and say “this song is about me.”
Pro #5:
If you are also a musician, dating a musician means that you can share instruments and gear without feeling bad for having to ask. You are basically one person now so what’s yours is your partners and vice versa. If the equipment happens to wreck in your use, you no longer have to worry about a thick cloud of unspoken hostility between you and the person you are borrowing gear from. You partner will yell at you straight to your face unlike if you had borrowed it from a friend. Like many issues, the problem can be solved with you saving up to replace it, and some kissing and cuddling.
Con #5:
If you are also a musician, you may hear more negative remarks about your creations or performance. If you want to be praised royally, either be perfect or date a non-musician. Non-musicians think you are wonderful simply because you can play an instrument, not because you can play an instrument well. It is good for you and your musician counterpart to push each other; however, it can sometimes be difficult to take the criticism. This could lead to a lot of silent arguments and a repetition of your partner asking “what’s wrong?” and you replying “nothing.” As everyone knows, these arguments are dumb and go nowhere.
There are many pros and cons to dating any individual, and musicians are no exception. If the aforementioned cons hardly bother you, then it is likely you would have a great time dating a musician. Remember that a little bit of independence is important for the both of you to thrive, and a trusting and honest relationship is always the most vital part of a relationship no matter if you are musically inclined or not. The next time you get hot for some guitar slinging dreamboat remember to weight your pros and cons before deciding to make “sweet music” with him or her.
And by music I mean love.
-Contributed by Wolfgang S. Casablancas