Five rules to making a sexy Valentine’s Day playlist

Right in the middle of a particularly saucy moment of Valentine’s Day – a 24-hour period seemingly invented to strip you down, feel you up and otherwise romance you in the most tender way possible – the unimaginable happened.

Mid-coitus, the iTunes I had set on random cruelly flipped to a song by my own band. Even worse, it was a song that I sang on.

Coitus interruptus.

I scrambled out of bed, apologizing to an increasingly irate partner, to put the next song on. Having accomplished this I set about the task of reestablishing the mood. It wasn’t pretty.

Five minutes later iTunes launched into the next bonerkill – a song that my best friend sang on. This was worse – I couldn’t stop giggling.

Worst Valentine’s Day ever.

The fact of the matter is that if you are serious about banging to an engaging playlist you should probably take the time and do it properly. A tasteless DJ mix is a surefire way of getting ridiculed and thrown out of bed. But done right and everyone is happy.

So don’t be a ninny and put on your own band to bang, especially if you wrote all your songs about your ex.

Come to think of it, you probably shouldn’t put your ex’s band on either.

Five rules to making a sexy Valentine’s Day playlist:

1. Put on at least two hours worth of music

Because you are optimistic and you never know.

2. No vinyl

Stopping mid-bone to flip a record is grounds for a roundhouse.

3. Avoid cliché music

Like that super cheesy song by Chris Isaak – in fact, maybe stay away from Isaak altogether.

4. Know your audience

If you put on grindcore be prepared for a whopper of a break-up. Or a whopper of a good time – you never know.

5. Don’t put on a love song if you don’t mean it

There are tons of “I like you plenty”-type songs out there that you could use instead. Furthermore, why don’t more people write songs that say “you’re okay but I’m not ready to move in with you yet?” Or “you’re cute but lets keep it above the Equator for the time being.”