Living With Parents

Rice Krispie Treats and Tang: Maintaining a Sex Life While Living With Parents

An increasing amount of young adults are living with their parents long after they have graduated high school and are well into their twenties or early thirties. There are various contributing factors to this trend including rising costs of housing and an increase of people pursuing higher education, but whatever the reasons are it also means that many more people than ever before are trying to think of clever ways to keep their sexual relationships lively while still living under their parents’ roof.

Whether they feel too old or modern for the backseat of a car, these people must succumb to finding a way to have sex in their parent’s house without their folks being the wiser.

Sure, there will be assumptions that when your boyfriend or girlfriend stayed the night you weren’t just having a jammy party with popcorn and pillow fights, but preventing having one’s parents hear or discover any more psychologically damaging hints of your sexual encounter is very necessary to living comfortably with the very people who would be the least desirous to think of you in that way.

For those people who do have to deal with this problem, I have compiled a list of things to do to prevent your parents, or even roommates, from encountering these aforementioned embarrassing glimpses into your sex life.

1. If your partner lives alone, or not with his or her parents: DO IT THERE!

2. Try to find times when no one is home to do what you need to do with your partner. This is the safest time, and it is the time that you will have the most fun because you don’t have to worry about how much noise you make. Everyone knows that noise usually implies fun – that’s why so many great parties are a complete racket! And don’t do it in your parents’ bed – that is just disturbing and disrespectful at the same time! There is no time when that is acceptable! Ew.

3. Get a lock for your door! No matter what you hear, the visual image is always much worse. Parents, roommates, and especially drunken roommates do not often think about knocking nor giving warning that they are about to enter. Once a person reaches a certain mature age, door locks for a room should be a must!

4. Make sure that your room has a variety of different options of activities to do with another person. The long standing excuse of “studying” with a partner will not work if you are not in school, nor will it work even if you are just studying considering that for at least the past fifty years “studying” has been an excuse to steal a kiss and possibly much more from your “study” partner. The reason it has worked so well in past is because one needs to give his or her parents a visual image of something purely platonic to prevent sexual speculations from entering their thoughts. “Watching movies” is also a very close code for getting it on, so although you may just be watching movies there are implications that you do not want your parents to make. Both of these excuses may work, but they aren’t the best. The best excuse (if you have a gaming system) is that you are in your room playing video games. Playing video games is perfect because everyone knows that when you are playing video games your hands are busy! Get a gaming system and plant it in your room even if you don’t play – it will save your parents or roommates from many mental pictures that they just do not want to have!

5. Make sure that you have music on or the television or whatever on relatively loud. Not too loud that your parents or roommates will complain, but loud enough that if you accidentally do make a noise or two, it will be hardly recognizable.

6. Try not to make much noise! Eliminate a creaky bed, a flimsy bed frame, and your head from possibly hitting a wall! Cut the theatrics! It may be flattering when your partner is yelling “oh yeah” and screaming out your name, but everyone knows that theatrics are just an addition to the sex itself and not a necessary part of it. If you feel that you can’t keep your squeals of ecstasy inside, then maybe introduce a “gag” into your play or grab a pillow to scream into. Remember that, as gross as it is to think about, your parents had sex a lot when you were growing up and you probably didn’t notice or know! Why can’t you achieve the same objective?!

Now that you have some general guidelines, perhaps you and your boyfriend or girlfriend of ten years can finally take it to the next level in a bed instead of a car or in other randomly awkward places. If you are single and have many random sexual partners, then you will probably have more difficulties and need more tips than just the ones presented here. Remember that the best way to be free from these worries is to move out of your parents’ house. Moving out of your parents’ house will also help you get more ladies or gentlemen as people still find a person who doesn’t live with their parents more alluring than one that does!