Sarah Says: The Friend Zone and Butt Sex Dos and Don’ts

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Poop happens and that’s something you’ll have to accept if you want to enjoy anal play

Got something to ask? Strange date ideas? Taboo topics that you can’t broach with friends? Sarah has been giving advice about sex and relationships professionally for the better part of a decade, and has written for men’s magazines and women’s, local and online publications on topics ranging from first date ideas to proper anal sex etiquette.

So ask away! No topic is off limits.

Email: sarahsaysadvice at gmail.com

Dear Sarah,

I’m interested in dating this girl. She’s beautiful and friendly and amazing, and we’ve got lots in common, but I feel like she’s put me in the friend zone. How do I get out of the friend zone?!?!

Friend Zone Fred

Dear Fred,

The most direct route out of the friend zone is also the scariest: tell her how you feel. Just come out and say exactly what you’ve told me. Best case scenario is that she’s been thinking the same thing and you’ve saved yourselves a lot of second guessing. Even if she does not share your more-than-friends feelings, if she’s as friendly and amazing as you say she is, she’ll do her best to let you down gently. Rejection can be difficult, but if you value her friendship, you’ll have to find a way to accept that your relationship is permanently friend zoned and move on from there.

If the fast lane is too daunting at the moment, you could lay some groundwork before the big revelation. Start touching her more. We’re not talking about random groping, but introducing a level of intimacy with innocent physical contact. Touch her knee for emphasis while you’re talking or place your hand on the small of her back while guiding her through a door that you’ve held open for her. If these small gestures are well received (i.e. she doesn’t look uncomfortable or shrink away), you’ll be establishing a more affectionate interaction between the two of you that could lead her to consider you in a romantic light.

Sarah

Dear Sarah,

It mentions in your introduction post that you know about anal sex etiquette… I wasn’t aware there was such a thing. What exactly does that entail?

Curious About Butt Sex Manners

Dear Curious,

The world of anal sex has many intricacies, but a few universal truths apply. Here are some basic dos and don’ts when it comes to butt play.

Do: lubricate

The anus was not really designed for penetration. The fact that it can feel pretty great to both partners is one of those silly accidents of evolution. This means that, unlike the vagina, which produces its own natural lubricant, the anus needs some supplementation in this regard in order to keep the act pleasurable. Some companies boast lube specifically intended for anal use, but any lube will do as long as you use lots of it. A thicker lube is better and silicone is preferable to water-based, as it will last longer.

Don’t: numb

Alongside the specialized anal lube, you’ll probably find creams or gels that promise to numb the sensitive area in question. Do not use them. Pain is your body’s way of telling you that something is wrong and if you use one of these products to dull the pain, the person on the receiving end of the anal encounter could end up getting seriously hurt without even realizing that it’s happening. There will be some pain involved in anal play, especially for first-timers, but this should be dealt with by going slowly, plenty of foreplay and lots of lube.

Do: prep

Some might suggest a full pre-sex anal douche in order to avoid messy accidents, but I don’t think that’s necessary. As long as you’ve recently evacuated (re: gone number two), you shouldn’t have too much trouble with mess. That said, poop happens and that’s something you’ll have to accept if you want to enjoy anal play. If you’re really worried about it, put down a towel that you wouldn’t mind getting soiled before you get started.

The other, and in my opinion, more important aspect of prepping for anal sex is giving the receiver whatever kind of attention he or she wants or requires in order to be fully relaxed and ready. It could be anything from an open conversation about the process, limits and fears, to plenty of anal foreplay using fingers, tongues or toys to ease the receiver into the main event.

Do: use protection

It’s tempting to forego the condom with anal sex since there is no way a woman can get pregnant via this method of penetration, but unless you’re in a completely monogamous relationship and your sexually transmitted infection (STI) statuses are known to each other, protection is a must when doing it in the butt. The skin around the anus is thinner and more susceptible to tiny cuts and tears, giving STIs a more direct entry into the body.

Don’t: penetrate elsewhere afterward

Don’t put your penis in your partner’s butt and then immediately penetrate another part of his or her body (i.e. vagina, mouth). You may have picked up back door bacteria that could cause infections elsewhere. Plus, it’s gross. Yes, porn stars love them some ATM (ass to mouth) these days, but unless your partner specifically asks for it, don’t go there.

Sarah

Send your questions to: sarahsaysadvice at gmail.com

– Featured photo via Flickr user “theamarand” – Creative Commons.