For some of us, New Year’s Eve is a time to party until we puke, kiss at the stroke of midnight, and regret everything. In that order.
We envy you.
For the rest of us, New Year’s Eve is a time to hide, cower in the corner, and whimper until the sun comes up and we are certain that the world didn’t come to an end (yet!).
For those who of you who are certified change-o-phobes, we’ve compiled a list of things to do while killing time until the next lousy year rolls around in this particular time zone. Woo.
Watch Futurama: Seriously, Futurama is the ultimate New Year’s Eve fix. Basically it’s all about hiding out and not partying and moping at the sight of other people having a good time.
Shoot off some fireworks: Why doesn’t Saskatoon have an official New Year’s Eve fireworks bonanza? This city, I tells you. Aside from watching things blow up, this activity is also fun for all ages – although we aren’t certain that it’s safe for anyone, so wear your sunglasses!
Don’t drink and drive: Just because you aren’t having fun doesn’t mean that your dopey friends can’t have fun too! Why not drive their stupid drunk butts around? Maybe they’ll even buy you Burger King at the end of the night. Unless they spent all their money on Goldschläger and remorse…
Gamble: Why not swap vices for the evening and see if you can win a little money while you’re at it? But be creative – VLTs are sort of pointless, so make a side bet with someone else. Like, what colour of underwear is the bartender wearing? I’ll bet it’s red. Or leopard. Fun!
Nostalgic for nothing: Go through some old photos. Reminisce on how pretty you used to be. Think about the bridges you burnt. Relive every ache, pain, bump and whiff of heartbreak. Now crumple those feelings into a tiny ball and toss ’em out, because who cares anymore. Seriously. Go throw something old out, whether it’s a dumb old love letter, that last rotting Christmas orange at the bottom of the fridge or your ex’s pajamas that you kept for some weird reason. Out with the old!
As for the rest of you, who probably legit plan on having fun, here are some shows that you may or may not see us partying hard at. Happy New Year you filthy animals!