Expect a higher chud ratio when attending the big concerts says local writer
That’s right, I still call it SaskPlace. It’s no disrespect to the name Credit Union Centre – it’s just that I have a tiny brain that can only contain wee bits of information. You know The Centre Mall? I still call that shit Circle Park Mall and Wildwood Mall depending on which side of the mall I’m in.
I’ve seen many a concert at SaskPlace, from stadium metal shows like Motley Crue in the 80s to Slayer last year. But with a recent sojourn out there the other night for Neil Young and Crazy Horse, and knowing that Leonard Cohen is tonight, I thought it was time to share the limited wisdom that I have on how to make the most of going to a concert at our local superdome.
You can’t get by on the wallet crushing swamp water stadium beers that are served at public events (and sometimes they even shut the bar down when the main act starts). When you don’t know what life (or SaskPlace) is gonna throw at you, you need to be well lubricated. You need to take your fate into your own hands. I’d also recommend sneaking a flask in, but be careful to crotch it when you’re entering, in case they pat you down. Pre-drinking can also save you the hassle of seeing the lame opening band in a lot of cases. (Hint: Three Days Grace opening for the Rolling Stones at Taylor Field. That’s right, I called that shit Taylor Field).
Park far away from the doors
Or as close to the highway as possible. This may seem counterproductive when you have to trudge really far to get to the building in minus 40 weather, but the last one in is the first one out. Anyone that’s sat in a car for three hours trying to leave SaskPlace knows what I’m talking about. And besides, if you’ve followed Step #1, your boozy blood will keep you warm like the inside of a tauntaun as you lurch to and from the main doors.
Take a look around. It’s people watching gold. What time machine do some of these chuds step out of? Toothless dudes with crazy mullets, stumbling and braying at the moon; stiletto-heeled women with coiffed tidal wave bangs and more tassels than Buffalo Bill’s jacket; drunks getting hauled out by security, fighting as if they have a chance against ten stout men, when their immediate future actually involves having their face open a door like a swat team battering ram (is that how they lost those teeth?); Moms and Dads that wanted to bring their kid to seem cool and “share in their music”, turning green when they realize they’re in over their heads, and remarking, “Can you believe it Lorne? They’re smoking The Drugs in here!” It’s amazing to behold.
Go for a smoke when the band plays their new material
You used to be able to smoke in the building, but now you can use this helpful tip to kill two birds with one stone and quench your nic-fit when the band wants to show you the ‘great’ new directions they’re going in.
Watch the encore from the door
This goes back to Step #2 – when that encore ends, the flood of human cattle begins and bam – you’re stuck in traffic. When you’re the first one out, and your car is parked close to the highway – you’re filling up your booze meter again at the post-show bar/party while the rest of the chumps are still sitting in a highway line up.
So there you have it. I’ve ruined all my best secrets by passing them on to you. So I hope you use them wisely.
-Photo taken from Flickr user “seventwentysk” – Creative Commons.