Ominocity’s Guide to Summer Drinking: Part 2

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Saucy Slushy Secret Revealed: Ice Cubes, says local boozehound

When I was in my early twenties I lived in an apartment above one of the dingiest and potentially scariest bars in Saskatoon (Fact: Someone was recently murdered in this very suite). Our rent was freakishly cheap and there were no extra amenities like an air-conditioner. In the summer months, around midday, the place was so sweltering that you couldn’t even sit on the couch without it sticking to your ass.

slurpee leg

So, naturally, our favorite afternoon pastime was to go out onto the back balcony and drink booze Slurpees until after supper and the apartment had some time to chill the fuck down.

Call it what you want: booze Slurpee, danger juice, blurpee (wait don’t call it a blurpee, that sounds almost too much like the blumpkin’s retarded younger cousin). Regardless, we all like to add a little poison to Canada’s favorite cold beverage pastime. With average sales at about 30 million per year in Canada alone, it is surprising that a statue of Sir Omar Knedlnik, inventor of the Slurpee, has not yet been erected at River Landing.

Booze is a tad bit corrosive and will mull right through the waxed cup

So as I am assuming most of you know, booze is a tad bit corrosive and will mull right through the waxed cup. And by the time you get enough whiskey in there for it to have even a slight twang of burn, the slush is inevitably half melted. Whaaa-waaaa.

So one afternoon we were drinking these melted down and perspiring cups of monster-piss and my roommate’s brother, who was a well-seasoned and well-versed alcoholic, says, “You ladies realize, if you put an inch or so of ice cubes in the bottom of the cup before you pour the slush in, it keeps the whiskey from melting it down.”

Brilliance, I tell you, pure fucking brilliance.

So without further ado, check out Ominocity’s recipes for a booze Slurpee full-o’-good-times:

The Chin-Ball Wizard:

½ Mountain Dew Code Red
½ Dr. Pepper
Rum

The Rodney Danger-Peeled:

¾ Coca-Cola Classic
¼ Banana
Whiskey

The Blue-Steal:

½ Coca-Cola Classic
½ Blue Raspberry
Dark Rum

The Piña Colonic:

½ Lime
½ Sprite
Tequila

Hint: half drank slurpee cans be used as wasp trapper, just flip the lid upside down. So, take that haters!

Contributed by: J. Grvs